A Journey into the Depths

A significant Christian leader, now in his 50’s, with years of impactful ministry stretching out behind him sits at his desk and writes these words, “It is increasingly clear to me that good does not live in me. I want to do what is right and good, but I can’t seem to do it consistently. I want to say and do the right things but instead I end up doing harmful things….sinful things”. Have you ever felt that way about your life? Have you found yourself wrestling with thoughts, impulses, or actions that are harmful to you and others? Do you sometimes feel like you have been wrestling with these things for years? You are in good company. These were the words of the Apostle Paul (Dan Scarrow translation) as he wrote his letter to the church in Rome (Romans 7:18-19).

Over this past year of slowly relearning how to live out the truths found in Romans, chapters 7 and 8, I have been drawn back to this passage again and again, struck by the authenticity and self-awareness of this leader. It would have been much easier for Paul, while writing this public letter, to present an image of himself that would expand his influence and make others think better of him. However, he chose to pull back the curtain of his heart and reveal to the readers of this letter that, at his core, he was a man wrestling with his sinfulness. His candor is a gift to us, for it paves the way toward a life lived in truthfulness and truthfulness opens our eyes to our sinfulness. The beauty of a deep and devastating awareness of our sinfulness is that it can (if we allow it) lead us toward a sincere and recurring repentance. Sincere and recurring repentance leads us into the intimate presence of Jesus where we find forgiveness, hope, joy, and purpose.

Having said that, most of us (myself included) do not enjoy a deep and devastating look at our sinfulness. In fact, most of us are inclined toward, and our culture rewards, a casual disbelief of the idea that all of us are foundationally and deeply sinful. It is much easier to believe that we are good people who occasionally make mistakes than it is to believe that we are a dumpster fire of sinfulness each and every day. Perhaps this is why so many in the church today display a casual disinterest in an active sanctification journey. Accumulated sin dulls our desire to know God and inhibits our ability to hear God.  

Last week, while driving to a meeting, I turned on the news just in time to catch a story about how certain manufacturers of medicine in 3rd world countries were replacing key ingredients with antifreeze in an effort to save money. This use of a toxic chemical had caused hundreds of children to die. I could feel the anger boiling up in my spirit as I listened to this story! What kind of person would do something like this! My heart was filled with justifiable judgment and condemnation. As I sat stewing in my anger over these horrible people who would kill innocent children a quiet question found its way into my mind. “How many decisions are you from being that kind of person?” I'm not claiming this was the Holy Spirit, but it did sound an awful lot like questions he asks me fairly regularly. As this question landed in my heart it chilled the anger burning in my heart, for it only took a moment to realize that I was only a few key decisions away from being this kind of selfish and destructive person. I found myself rushing back into the presence of Jesus, wrapping my arms around Him in my heart, and asking Him to continue His redemptive work in me.

I think our friend Paul is leading us to a long hard look at ourselves because this experience reignites our passionate pursuit of Jesus, making us hungry for the transformation we all desperately need. Truthfulness opens our eyes to our sinfulness. A deep and devastating awareness of our sinfulness leads us toward a sincere and recurring repentance. Sincere and recurring repentance leads us into the intimate presence of Jesus where we find forgiveness, hope, joy, and purpose.

On the journey of growth with you,

Dan

Dan Scarrow

District Superintendent